From October 24, 2008
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
I always looked at that verse as to how we should love. And it definitely is a great template for that. But it has just occurred to me that that is how God loves us. Of course, I've always believed in the love of God, always known of it, but never exactly delved into what that exactly meant. It's just always been a general thing. But reading every single descriptor of love up above and knowing that that entails the love we receive from Jesus, just makes verses like Romans 8:38-39 even more comforting.
Something I feel like I've dealt with the past few months is specifically stated above - "it keeps no records of wrongs." And I know God forgives - we only have to ask, but it never stopped me from feeling ashamed, dirty - sometimes not even worthy of being apart of God. But that's a fallacy, and all on my part. Because though I can never forgive and forget, God most certainly does. And I may dwell in shame because of my sin, very well past the time I committed it, but there's no need to. God isn't holding it against me. I've sincerely asked for my forgiveness - it's time to move on.
I felt so guilty. I felt as God was telling me something, leading me to a certain direction, and I completely chickened out. I wasn't strong enough because I could act on what the Lord was telling me. But I had a realization today. God understands. He knows how hard it was, that I am only human - He knows exactly why I could've step up to the call. And instead of picturing Him looking down on me and shaking His head in disappointment, I picture Him smiling comfortingly at me, still loving me, telling me "It's okay, Chanelle. It's okay."
Of course, He would've been absolutely thrilled if I'd had the courage to go forth, despite it all. But he's not ashamed of me because I didn't, and I truly feel that in my heart. He knows my shortcomings, but is patient with them, because He loves me, and as the verse entails - "love is patient." And though undoubtedly it would've been better if I just would've pushed through in His intended direction, things will still come together perfectly. Albeit in a different way, but it still will - I know that.
I finally feel like I'm getting it right again, and it feels amazing
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Lessons.
From October 13, 2010
New perspective suddenly. I knew God had to be trying to tell me something this weekend. I’m struggling to find what. Bringing up all these emotions that I didn’t even know I still had or were prone to…what’s the deal with that?
I guess one thing He’s trying to say is that I’m not complete. Not that I ever thought I am, but I do know that I tend to get complacent when things are going good. I look at my life and feel satisfied sometimes, because some of these issues that people struggle with - that’s not me. I have issues, of course, but not any of those. No, not at all.
Wrong, of course. And even if I was better off than others (which I’m not), it’s not others in which I’m setting my standards against. It’s Jesus. And fact of the matter is, I am no where near Him in my behavior, action, attitude. Even my best days fall infinitely short of His glory.
And I think maybe God’s trying to show me that. This bitterness, this anger - I’ve been hurt and I can honestly say it was undeserving and not my fault, so it’s justifiable. I don’t think God’s telling me that I shouldn’t be upset. I think God’s telling me that even when I’ve been scorned, it takes something special to look at my offender and still say, “I love you.” To say, “Yeah, you’ve hurt me, but I’m gonna move past that and not bear any ill-will against you.” That’s what He would do. That’s what He does every day. We hurt him so much with things we do, the way we live our life, but all He ever does is look at us and say, “I love you.”
I thought I was strong enough to forgive. I’m not. True forgiveness, I’m starting to see, means forgetting. I’m not there yet. I’m not sure when I’ll ever be there. I know God’s working on me. He’s still healing me. And I don’t think He expects me in this moment to be able to set aside all of my pain and wounds, to forget trespasses made against me, and rise to the occasion with unconditional love and true forgiveness. These things take time and understandably so. A deep wound doesn’t heal in a second - it’s a long process. He knows I’m weak and still so tender and hurting more than I’ve hurt in awhile. But I think He wants me to keep that in mind. And work towards it.
It brings a little clarity to things. A little. He’s building me up, I can feel it. And I know even when I don’t understand, when I can’t see the light, that God’s there with everything under control. If there’s one thing I’ve especially learned recently, it’s that God knows what He’s doing and that He can redeemed any situation.
New perspective suddenly. I knew God had to be trying to tell me something this weekend. I’m struggling to find what. Bringing up all these emotions that I didn’t even know I still had or were prone to…what’s the deal with that?
I guess one thing He’s trying to say is that I’m not complete. Not that I ever thought I am, but I do know that I tend to get complacent when things are going good. I look at my life and feel satisfied sometimes, because some of these issues that people struggle with - that’s not me. I have issues, of course, but not any of those. No, not at all.
Wrong, of course. And even if I was better off than others (which I’m not), it’s not others in which I’m setting my standards against. It’s Jesus. And fact of the matter is, I am no where near Him in my behavior, action, attitude. Even my best days fall infinitely short of His glory.
And I think maybe God’s trying to show me that. This bitterness, this anger - I’ve been hurt and I can honestly say it was undeserving and not my fault, so it’s justifiable. I don’t think God’s telling me that I shouldn’t be upset. I think God’s telling me that even when I’ve been scorned, it takes something special to look at my offender and still say, “I love you.” To say, “Yeah, you’ve hurt me, but I’m gonna move past that and not bear any ill-will against you.” That’s what He would do. That’s what He does every day. We hurt him so much with things we do, the way we live our life, but all He ever does is look at us and say, “I love you.”
I thought I was strong enough to forgive. I’m not. True forgiveness, I’m starting to see, means forgetting. I’m not there yet. I’m not sure when I’ll ever be there. I know God’s working on me. He’s still healing me. And I don’t think He expects me in this moment to be able to set aside all of my pain and wounds, to forget trespasses made against me, and rise to the occasion with unconditional love and true forgiveness. These things take time and understandably so. A deep wound doesn’t heal in a second - it’s a long process. He knows I’m weak and still so tender and hurting more than I’ve hurt in awhile. But I think He wants me to keep that in mind. And work towards it.
It brings a little clarity to things. A little. He’s building me up, I can feel it. And I know even when I don’t understand, when I can’t see the light, that God’s there with everything under control. If there’s one thing I’ve especially learned recently, it’s that God knows what He’s doing and that He can redeemed any situation.
"...[Love] keeps no record of wrongs."
From May 21, 2011
I Corinthians 13:5
Every day’s a blank slate. We’re to treat everyone in the same loving manner always, regardless of what they’ve done before. It’s hard to forgive, harder to forget, but we’re called to do both. God doesn’t look at my past. So I won’t look at anyone else’s. I wanna live a life that promotes mercy, grace, forgiveness. And hope for the present and tomorrow, no matter what lies in the past.
Can’t hold on to that stuff. You just can’t.
I Corinthians 13:5
Every day’s a blank slate. We’re to treat everyone in the same loving manner always, regardless of what they’ve done before. It’s hard to forgive, harder to forget, but we’re called to do both. God doesn’t look at my past. So I won’t look at anyone else’s. I wanna live a life that promotes mercy, grace, forgiveness. And hope for the present and tomorrow, no matter what lies in the past.
Can’t hold on to that stuff. You just can’t.
Forgiveness
From June 4, 2011
Oh, you have no idea how tempting it is. So so tempting to call out someone on their crap on their facebook wall for everyone to see. It’s that tiny little part of me from high school that has died enough that I won’t ever do that, but still lives enough for it to be tempting, to make the thought of it so satisfying.
Jesus wouldn’t do that, though. In fact, such an action is the opposite of forgiveness. Because it’s one thing to chastise a person privately in order to help them improve - to do so in a humble and loving fashion. But obviously that would not be my motive at all. It would be in some vain, bitter-influenced attempt to get some remorse out of this person. To make them feel bad, to expose and embarrass them and at the heart of it, a little bit of vengeance. Pay back to make that person feel some of the hurt that I had been feeling.
And I hate that there’s a little bit of that in me, even if I would never act out on such urges. Most days I don’t want to - I let the Spirit fill me and influence not just my actions, but my perspective and feelings, and I can feel Jesus’ love, grace, mercy, and kindness sincerely manifesting itself within me.
But there’s moments like these where I just want there to be retribution. But I’ve been down the path where I’ve indulged in such emotions and acted out on them before, and I’d be a liar to say it didn’t feel good in the moment - but what does that eventually accomplish? It’s love that makes a difference in this world, and such an action is in direct opposition of love.
Even a vague bitter allusion to the situation at hand in facebook statuses - not only is it not worth it, it’s not right. As a Christian, I have to believe wholeheartedly in the merit of forgiveness. Even when the person doesn’t ask. Even when person isn’t sorry or doesn’t think they’re in the wrong. I have to have a merciful heart, regardless. It’s hard to always keep ahold of that, but when I manage - it feels so much better than bitterness, revenge and anger.
It’s a lesson God’s teaching me over and over again. Forgiveness - how that ties into love and compassion. Last night I felt it so strongly - His presence washing over me, letting me tap into his ocean of grace. I felt no bitterness in my heart in that moment, no urge for revenge, none of the pain - just forgiveness and the power to forget.
It carried on into day mostly until things crept up a little again, hence the start of this post. But you know, writing through it is helping me get back to where I need to be in my heart. God will use some many things to set a person straight - including themselves. And you know, maybe I haven’t gotten the closure I initially wanted from all of this, but I definitely think there’s closure to be found. Because last night, so clearly God was telling me - “Don’t worry about the friend you lost, because look at the friends you still have that I have given you.” How can I be so caught up on this when God has allowed me to retain the best friends in the world?
So it comes full circle, and I realize that above it all, I am so blessed. Do I still miss old friendships? Of course. Am I still confused about the situation? Oh definitely. But it doesn’t matter. Whatever it is I had in my past served its purpose for the appropriate season. And if there’s another season in the future - then so be it. But if not - then so be it as well. I just know that I am so blessed to have a best friend who I’ve known since I was seven, who’s been there through practically all of it. The one who’d show up at my basketball games when no one else would, who was there through my parents’ divorce, through me wanting to drop out of college, who kept trying when our own friendship was having its problems and I was being kind of a douche about it, through every little up and down - I’ve had a constant that I know a lot of people don’t have. The term “best friend” gets thrown around so much for the most trivial and fleeting of affairs, but I can truly say that I have a best friend. Actually, I have more than just one, which makes it all the more amazing. And I can’t wait to see the story God creates in the years to come with my other best friend.
So to feel frustrated, hurt, bitter, and angry over one friendship gone wrong - to let it affect my peace, to let it get in the way of my pursuit of living out Christ-like values in my life…you know, it’s just not worth it when I have invaluable, amazing friendships which I am so so so sure will not crash and burn. Friends to the end, and then some, thanks to this eternal life business.
And you know, I’m really grateful for the friendships I had that I have no longer. For the purpose these served and the good times we had. It’s just…it’s not worth being anything but grateful, because God is so amazing. And really, I just want everyone to see and experience in that with me. His love has slowly transformed me from someone so bitter months ago, to someone finding their complete peace in all of this.
And you know, He’s the greatest Friend of all. Gosh, how can I ever feel alone? I can’t. It’s a great thing right now in this moment to realize that wow - I really have it all. I have the love of Jesus within me - I have it all. It’s the case for all of us who have Jesus, you know?
So I guess what I’m saying is - don’t get caught up on the things bringing you pain and tribulation. Because I guarantee you somewhere there is something that offsets that pain, that will bring great joy. That’s what I realized more than ever last night as I briefly thought about estranged friendships after I spent a night hanging with and talking to my best friend for a few hours. Losing a friend just really highlighted the wonderful blessings I do have in my life. And because of that, I can’t be bitter, because, well, like I said, I have it all. I don’t want to be angry. I just want to be genuinely loving.
That’s all.
Oh, you have no idea how tempting it is. So so tempting to call out someone on their crap on their facebook wall for everyone to see. It’s that tiny little part of me from high school that has died enough that I won’t ever do that, but still lives enough for it to be tempting, to make the thought of it so satisfying.
Jesus wouldn’t do that, though. In fact, such an action is the opposite of forgiveness. Because it’s one thing to chastise a person privately in order to help them improve - to do so in a humble and loving fashion. But obviously that would not be my motive at all. It would be in some vain, bitter-influenced attempt to get some remorse out of this person. To make them feel bad, to expose and embarrass them and at the heart of it, a little bit of vengeance. Pay back to make that person feel some of the hurt that I had been feeling.
And I hate that there’s a little bit of that in me, even if I would never act out on such urges. Most days I don’t want to - I let the Spirit fill me and influence not just my actions, but my perspective and feelings, and I can feel Jesus’ love, grace, mercy, and kindness sincerely manifesting itself within me.
But there’s moments like these where I just want there to be retribution. But I’ve been down the path where I’ve indulged in such emotions and acted out on them before, and I’d be a liar to say it didn’t feel good in the moment - but what does that eventually accomplish? It’s love that makes a difference in this world, and such an action is in direct opposition of love.
Even a vague bitter allusion to the situation at hand in facebook statuses - not only is it not worth it, it’s not right. As a Christian, I have to believe wholeheartedly in the merit of forgiveness. Even when the person doesn’t ask. Even when person isn’t sorry or doesn’t think they’re in the wrong. I have to have a merciful heart, regardless. It’s hard to always keep ahold of that, but when I manage - it feels so much better than bitterness, revenge and anger.
It’s a lesson God’s teaching me over and over again. Forgiveness - how that ties into love and compassion. Last night I felt it so strongly - His presence washing over me, letting me tap into his ocean of grace. I felt no bitterness in my heart in that moment, no urge for revenge, none of the pain - just forgiveness and the power to forget.
It carried on into day mostly until things crept up a little again, hence the start of this post. But you know, writing through it is helping me get back to where I need to be in my heart. God will use some many things to set a person straight - including themselves. And you know, maybe I haven’t gotten the closure I initially wanted from all of this, but I definitely think there’s closure to be found. Because last night, so clearly God was telling me - “Don’t worry about the friend you lost, because look at the friends you still have that I have given you.” How can I be so caught up on this when God has allowed me to retain the best friends in the world?
So it comes full circle, and I realize that above it all, I am so blessed. Do I still miss old friendships? Of course. Am I still confused about the situation? Oh definitely. But it doesn’t matter. Whatever it is I had in my past served its purpose for the appropriate season. And if there’s another season in the future - then so be it. But if not - then so be it as well. I just know that I am so blessed to have a best friend who I’ve known since I was seven, who’s been there through practically all of it. The one who’d show up at my basketball games when no one else would, who was there through my parents’ divorce, through me wanting to drop out of college, who kept trying when our own friendship was having its problems and I was being kind of a douche about it, through every little up and down - I’ve had a constant that I know a lot of people don’t have. The term “best friend” gets thrown around so much for the most trivial and fleeting of affairs, but I can truly say that I have a best friend. Actually, I have more than just one, which makes it all the more amazing. And I can’t wait to see the story God creates in the years to come with my other best friend.
So to feel frustrated, hurt, bitter, and angry over one friendship gone wrong - to let it affect my peace, to let it get in the way of my pursuit of living out Christ-like values in my life…you know, it’s just not worth it when I have invaluable, amazing friendships which I am so so so sure will not crash and burn. Friends to the end, and then some, thanks to this eternal life business.
And you know, I’m really grateful for the friendships I had that I have no longer. For the purpose these served and the good times we had. It’s just…it’s not worth being anything but grateful, because God is so amazing. And really, I just want everyone to see and experience in that with me. His love has slowly transformed me from someone so bitter months ago, to someone finding their complete peace in all of this.
And you know, He’s the greatest Friend of all. Gosh, how can I ever feel alone? I can’t. It’s a great thing right now in this moment to realize that wow - I really have it all. I have the love of Jesus within me - I have it all. It’s the case for all of us who have Jesus, you know?
So I guess what I’m saying is - don’t get caught up on the things bringing you pain and tribulation. Because I guarantee you somewhere there is something that offsets that pain, that will bring great joy. That’s what I realized more than ever last night as I briefly thought about estranged friendships after I spent a night hanging with and talking to my best friend for a few hours. Losing a friend just really highlighted the wonderful blessings I do have in my life. And because of that, I can’t be bitter, because, well, like I said, I have it all. I don’t want to be angry. I just want to be genuinely loving.
That’s all.
The Casey Anthony Trial
From July 6, 2011
I guess not everyone’s gonna see it this way, because I’m looking at it through a Christian perspective, but I have some things to say about this:
Everyone’s saying that justice wasn’t served for Caylee because of the verdict that was reached today in the Casey Anthony trial. And that’s true - if the flawed, human government was the ultimate authority on justice.
But it’s not. True justice belongs to the Lord. And the jury today may have done young Caylee wrong, but there is true justice to be found in the situation. We may not be able to see it now. We may never be able to see it. But at least take some hope that God does have everything under control. It is all in His hand. And Caylee is in heaven right now, basking in the love and beauty of our Savior.
And even if the government did fail to deliver proper justice to Casey Anthony, know that the Lord is a just God and He’ll take care of it. And know that justice isn’t always what we think it’ll look like or what it to look like. And it doesn’t always come right away or when we think it will. But true justice will be served in its due time. Or rather, in God’s time.
And you know, I can’t hate Casey Anthony for this. I can’t wish her dead. And though the evidence against her is certainly insurmountable (though I guess technically not, given the verdict, but you know what I mean), I don’t even feel comfortable saying too much about her and the situation because yes, I can make my educated guesses and feel confident in them, but naturally I don’t know what exactly happened because I wasn’t there. But you know, more than anything, I just want to pray for her. Hope that she gets to experience the redemptive love of Jesus, that He’ll change her life and transform her. I sincerely hope that for her above her death or even being jailed for life.
Because you know, here’s the thing about mercy - not a single one of us deserves it. But Jesus gives it willingly to whoever wants it, no matter what they’ve done or deserve. So I’ve really been inspired to adopt that attitude myself. And hold out on hope that good can come of this. That even the vilest people can be changed and forgiven.
And here’s the kicker: If Casey Anthony were to sincerely come to Jesus, then all of her sins would be completely wiped away, just like anyone else who comes to Jesus. And she’d get to spend eternity in paradise, no matter what she had done in the past.
Isn’t that crazy? But amazing - the limitless nature of Jesus’s forgiveness. All we have to do is accept Him, and it’s all wiped free. It’s so crazy. So crazy.
I feel weird, though, even making such statements about Casey Anthony like I just did. I don’t know her. I don’t know where she is with God, so you know - that was more so to make a point then to make a point as to whether or not she’s saved right now. Because I mean, what do I know? Nothing, really. Just that Jesus’s love, grace, and forgiveness knows no bounds, and I think that’s absolutely amazing.
And I still think the first response to have in regards to all of this is to just pray for her. Animosity, hate, negativity - it does absolutely nothing. Even if it’s “deserved” - it makes nothing better and everything bitter. Responding in love, though, no matter the circumstance - that’s where it’s at. We all have so much to say about Casey Anthony, but do you know that Jesus loves her more than anyone can imagine? Not that I condone her actions at all - of course not. What happened to Caylee is absolutely terrible. But I think there’s still always room for love, no matter whatever.
This is the kind of crazy Christian talk that’s gonna make everyone hate me when I get to Hollywood in August, huh? haha I imagine a lot of people rolling their eyes at all this (which is why I’m not even tagging this post as “Casey Anthony”). But you know - whatever. I’m gonna stand up for Jesus and all that He embodies, no matter what. Because that’s all that makes sense to me, and I know I’m not a fool for it. I know I’m not crazy for it. And if I know that, then I really can’t be bothered what other people have to think about it. What can those people offer me, anyway? Nothing that Jesus can, that’s for sure.
I guess not everyone’s gonna see it this way, because I’m looking at it through a Christian perspective, but I have some things to say about this:
Everyone’s saying that justice wasn’t served for Caylee because of the verdict that was reached today in the Casey Anthony trial. And that’s true - if the flawed, human government was the ultimate authority on justice.
But it’s not. True justice belongs to the Lord. And the jury today may have done young Caylee wrong, but there is true justice to be found in the situation. We may not be able to see it now. We may never be able to see it. But at least take some hope that God does have everything under control. It is all in His hand. And Caylee is in heaven right now, basking in the love and beauty of our Savior.
And even if the government did fail to deliver proper justice to Casey Anthony, know that the Lord is a just God and He’ll take care of it. And know that justice isn’t always what we think it’ll look like or what it to look like. And it doesn’t always come right away or when we think it will. But true justice will be served in its due time. Or rather, in God’s time.
And you know, I can’t hate Casey Anthony for this. I can’t wish her dead. And though the evidence against her is certainly insurmountable (though I guess technically not, given the verdict, but you know what I mean), I don’t even feel comfortable saying too much about her and the situation because yes, I can make my educated guesses and feel confident in them, but naturally I don’t know what exactly happened because I wasn’t there. But you know, more than anything, I just want to pray for her. Hope that she gets to experience the redemptive love of Jesus, that He’ll change her life and transform her. I sincerely hope that for her above her death or even being jailed for life.
Because you know, here’s the thing about mercy - not a single one of us deserves it. But Jesus gives it willingly to whoever wants it, no matter what they’ve done or deserve. So I’ve really been inspired to adopt that attitude myself. And hold out on hope that good can come of this. That even the vilest people can be changed and forgiven.
And here’s the kicker: If Casey Anthony were to sincerely come to Jesus, then all of her sins would be completely wiped away, just like anyone else who comes to Jesus. And she’d get to spend eternity in paradise, no matter what she had done in the past.
Isn’t that crazy? But amazing - the limitless nature of Jesus’s forgiveness. All we have to do is accept Him, and it’s all wiped free. It’s so crazy. So crazy.
I feel weird, though, even making such statements about Casey Anthony like I just did. I don’t know her. I don’t know where she is with God, so you know - that was more so to make a point then to make a point as to whether or not she’s saved right now. Because I mean, what do I know? Nothing, really. Just that Jesus’s love, grace, and forgiveness knows no bounds, and I think that’s absolutely amazing.
And I still think the first response to have in regards to all of this is to just pray for her. Animosity, hate, negativity - it does absolutely nothing. Even if it’s “deserved” - it makes nothing better and everything bitter. Responding in love, though, no matter the circumstance - that’s where it’s at. We all have so much to say about Casey Anthony, but do you know that Jesus loves her more than anyone can imagine? Not that I condone her actions at all - of course not. What happened to Caylee is absolutely terrible. But I think there’s still always room for love, no matter whatever.
This is the kind of crazy Christian talk that’s gonna make everyone hate me when I get to Hollywood in August, huh? haha I imagine a lot of people rolling their eyes at all this (which is why I’m not even tagging this post as “Casey Anthony”). But you know - whatever. I’m gonna stand up for Jesus and all that He embodies, no matter what. Because that’s all that makes sense to me, and I know I’m not a fool for it. I know I’m not crazy for it. And if I know that, then I really can’t be bothered what other people have to think about it. What can those people offer me, anyway? Nothing that Jesus can, that’s for sure.
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