Oh, how He Loves Us.

From June 28, 2010

Our God is so good.  The best thing happened today.

But it starts on Thursday, when at the Bible study I attend, we sang the worship song -  “Oh, How He Loves Us.”  I like that song.  It was nice.

The next day, one of my friend’s (who was not at the Bible study) had the lyrics to the song as his facebook status.  I commented on it.

On Saturday, the song came up while I was talking to Beth on the phone.

So that song’s been on my mind.  So today at church during worship, I was thinking how I really wanted to sing that song.  This was in the middle of upbeat, gospel style music, and though Times Square Church does slow it down some at the end of the “set”, I couldn’t remember if we’d ever even sang that song at that church before when I’d been there, and it’s a completely different style of song than we were singing, so I just figured we wouldn’t sing it.  Still, I prayed that we would.

Worship continues.  I’ve moved on in my head, forgotten about my small prayer.  As anticipated, the songs we’re singing start getting slower.  Then all of a sudden, the lead woman is singing, “He is jealous for Me…”

I about freaked (in a good way).  I don’t believe in coincidences - that was totally God, answering my prayer.  And it seems small, but it just confirmed what I was singing - He loves us.  So so much.  It was just so awesome that we sang that song in church this week.  Not last week or the week before, but this week, when I really wanted to sing it.

And oh, it gets better.

So that’s the last song we sing, and one of the pastors gets up to transition.  Now during my Bible study earlier today, before church, I came across a few verses in 2 Thessalonians about how God has chosen us for salvation, how we were called, etc.  So I wrote about how I really am so blessed to have been called to this, but also lamented over those not fortune enough.  How I truly desired that everyone could experience this, that everyone could be saved.

Well, when the pastor was talking, the first thing he says is to the extent of “how privileged we are to be able to sing ‘Oh, how He loves us’ and know that, but there are so many people who do not know this.”  And I was like “Bam! That is EXACTLY what I was mulling over earlier.”  I just love it when God reiterates things when you’re not expecting it.

So lesson of the day.  He loves us.  We’re blessed to be able to experience it.  But now we need to go and share it so that everyone else can experience it, too.

Dang, I love my God.

From the Inside Out

From September 13, 2010

From the inside out, Lord, my soul cries out

From the Inside Out just came on my Pandora, and I was thinking about my history with this song - the first time I heard it was two years ago at the NYC Metro Campus Crusade for Christ Fall Retreat, and it literally changed my life.  And being me, I knew I had to have written about that song and/or experience in a facebook note, and sure enough, I did.

So I wrote this in the Fall of 2008 as a 19 year old sophomore in college.  My walk with God right now - it’s been really good lately (though I mean, there is always room for improvement), but this is still just a good reminder to myself.

So here it is:

And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, Lord, my soul cries out

-“From the Inside Out” by Hillsong


I feel so desperate when I sing this song. Like it embodies the exact desires of my heart. The last line especially gets me every time. All the emotion nearly drives me to tears - not tears of sadness, not even exactly happiness - just pure passion and love that I can’t even begin to express as the presence of the Lord washes over me. No expression seems to do it justice. I love Him so much, I want Him so badly.

And absolutely nothing else matters. If every fiber of my living being isn’t dedicated to Him, then I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to go through life distanced from Him, feeling separated from His glory. Because I’ve been there far too many times, and every time I escape that dark place, I never want to go back. Because the comparison between being in the presence of the Lord and feeling distant from Him is so drastic - I couldn’t imagine spending an eternity away from Him. That’s exactly what Hell is - eternal separation from Him. The mere thought sends me to anguish, and I can’t help but think, “These people really don’t know what they’re missing.”

And I absolutely don’t care what anyone thinks. If I have to go through life judged and condemned, thought of as less because I’ve chosen to put my faith into a Savior and to use every shred of my gifts and talents to glorify His Kingdom, then so be it. If I never win an Oscar because I’m too consumed with creating films that reveal His power, mercy, and love, then I will be perfectly okay with that. Because what is a gold statue in the wake of God? Absolutely nothing.

So I will willingly be used and abused in anyway that is called. I will allow myself to be emotionally drained for the benefits of others. I will sacrifice success by terms of the world in order to please my Lord. Because I owe Him. I owe Him my life for I have truly been saved.

It’s the most relieving thing to feel the fire again after I let external forces douse it out over the summer due to my own weaknesses. But the beautiful part is that even though I was weak, even though I feel as if I failed, God never held it against me. He just continued to love me, and He’s been telling me this repeatedly as I’ve struggled to find my place again these past couple of months. As I felt shame and confusion, He just smiled and patiently waited for me to open my eyes. Two weekends ago, I finally did, and it’s gotten me to this point where I am walking down the street, and I’m smiling for no reason other than the fact that God is amazing, and He’s using me to do great things, and He loves me - and all the pettiness of the world just disappears when presented with those facts.

People can see it, too. As I walked down Waverly Place this afternoon, I mused over how joyful and at peace I felt. A second later, a woman approached me as I had paused to pull my gloves on. She asked me if I was a NYU student, if I went to church, if I studied the Bible, if I wanted to study it more. Once I had answered all these questions, she just continued smiling, told me ‘God Bless’, and walked off.

Initially, I was just puzzled by this random occurrence and was prepared to just shrug it off as just another one of the weird things that happen in New York. But then in occurred to me - maybe she could tell. Maybe she could tell that my life had been touched, the God had consumed me. They always say that the glory of God shines through and considering how I felt, maybe it did. Why else would this woman with apparently no agenda, walking just as I was, approach me with these questions? There had to be something different that caused her to ask me this, and I’m thinking I know exactly what it was.

His glory is amazing.

Some may scoff. It bothers me simply because I’ve become apart of the most amazing thing - I wish everyone could experience it. And that’s what I’ve decided to totally dedicate my life to - making sure everyone can experience it. If only just through a kind gesture motivated by the love of Jesus Christ, then so be it. But my life is His because without Him, I would have no life.

It is truly amazing.