From March 24, 2008
Ecclesiastes 11:1
"Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again."
I honestly had no idea what that meant. Fortunately, my pre-teen oriented Bible that I've had for nearly four years but won't part with because I have too many things underlined (I'll get a new one once I've read through this one completely), offers guidance in regards to puzzling phrases like this.
It's just Bible time slang. To cast your bread upon the waters meant to "be adventurous and risk everything you had". Well, it still means that, but most people don't use that sort of terminology these days.
So what that verse is getting at, according to this little blurb, is that "God would honor that risk and take care of all your needs, including your food." I'm assuming the food bit was thrown in there because of the "bread", but beyond the point.
I smiled widely after I read that verse. I love these little reminders thrown in that I come across, reassuring me that I'm doing the right thing.
Then scanning through Proverbs a bit later on:
Proverbs 16:3
"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
I mean, it makes sense. He really is looking out for us. So why are we so content with whatever and same ol'? Why do we stop ourselves from doing something REAL, something for others, something for God because we supposedly don't have the resources? Don't you know that your God will take care of every single one of your needs if you live your life righteously?
It's more of a reminder to myself than anything. And a justification.
I really need to do something more than this in my life because my dissatisfaction is forever surmounting.
However, I'm joyful and happy, which is a grand feeling. I found myself practically skipping down the streets of New York this evening, full and genuine smile plastered on my face. And I used to question such feelings - try to figure out what could possibly be the cause of it - but I have since abandoned those efforts. It's God, and I am quite fine leaving it at that.
For everything, I am quite fine leaving it at that.
But if you think I can surrender myself to monotony, wasted potential, and general discontent for who knows how long, then you are dreadfully mistaken. It's common knowledge that the longer you tolerate an annoyance, the harder it is to eventually escape it. So pretty much, it's now or never.
I've been spouting this risk-taking, do what YOU feel regardless of society or anyone else, just go for it, live life to it's fullest potential philosophies for as long as I've had the ability to use higher-end thinking. It's about time I actually lived it.
And know that I can risk it all, but as long as my intentions are good and my heart is set on God, then I will come out the winner in the end.
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Money, money, money
From October 5, 2010
The past three years have instilled in me a great disdain for money.
The past three years have also showed me that God will provide, no matter what.
So many times I was days from the end of the month, not knowing how I was going to pay rent. So many days, I wondered how I possibly was going to be able to eat for the week. And every single time, God has came through with all that I needed. Without fail, because here I am with a roof over my head and not starving.
But money - oh, I hate it so much. There was a moment the other day where I just realized for sure that I just can’t have a lot of it ever in my life. Having to live off the bare minimum these past few months especially, it has changed my perspective on a lot of things, and I know how much money I need to be happy - and that’s no money at all. Yet, I am also very excited about the prospect of earning a lot of money someday, so I can be very generous with it and just give it all away. I just don’t want it. I imagine it being like a hot potato, and casting it out of my hands as soon as possible. I’m not saying to be like “Oh, look at me! I’m Miss Charity!” I just seriously hate money so much after the ordeals I’ve gone through with it these past few years.
I didn’t even know how well off I was growing up. I had no idea. When people at school would call me “rich”, I’d scoff at them and debate it. I didn’t realize that my dad drove a luxury car or my house was bigger than most. I suppose that’s a testimony to how my parents raised me, because I had no idea.
Well, I didn’t have an idea until that all changed. I took the lifestyle I grew up with for granted because I didn’t know how nice it actually was. Then suddenly, the money wasn’t there. It still isn’t there. And that drastic shift in the state of my family’s finances put a lot of things in perspective for me. I was never was particularly materialistic to begin with, but now I definitely see a bigger picture. It revealed a lot about the nature of God as well as the nature of money. And though it’s still so hard, and not just because of the contrast, I can’t help but almost feel a little grateful for experiencing what it’s to be without. It has definitely changed my financial mindset.
It’s stressful and worrisome having to be concerned with money. I’ve seen what a lack of it does to people. I’ve seen what an influx of it does to people as well. Materialism in any sense is such an acidic thing. It eats away at you, it consumes you. The best thing I’ve ever done (and it’s most definitely a recent development) is to not care about money at all. God will provide, so I spend money on my necessities and know that I will always have enough to be provided for. Eliminating the worry of “Can I really buy this, even though I need a decent meal?” has left me a lot freer.
“Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.”
I Timothy 6:6-10
The past three years have instilled in me a great disdain for money.
The past three years have also showed me that God will provide, no matter what.
So many times I was days from the end of the month, not knowing how I was going to pay rent. So many days, I wondered how I possibly was going to be able to eat for the week. And every single time, God has came through with all that I needed. Without fail, because here I am with a roof over my head and not starving.
But money - oh, I hate it so much. There was a moment the other day where I just realized for sure that I just can’t have a lot of it ever in my life. Having to live off the bare minimum these past few months especially, it has changed my perspective on a lot of things, and I know how much money I need to be happy - and that’s no money at all. Yet, I am also very excited about the prospect of earning a lot of money someday, so I can be very generous with it and just give it all away. I just don’t want it. I imagine it being like a hot potato, and casting it out of my hands as soon as possible. I’m not saying to be like “Oh, look at me! I’m Miss Charity!” I just seriously hate money so much after the ordeals I’ve gone through with it these past few years.
I didn’t even know how well off I was growing up. I had no idea. When people at school would call me “rich”, I’d scoff at them and debate it. I didn’t realize that my dad drove a luxury car or my house was bigger than most. I suppose that’s a testimony to how my parents raised me, because I had no idea.
Well, I didn’t have an idea until that all changed. I took the lifestyle I grew up with for granted because I didn’t know how nice it actually was. Then suddenly, the money wasn’t there. It still isn’t there. And that drastic shift in the state of my family’s finances put a lot of things in perspective for me. I was never was particularly materialistic to begin with, but now I definitely see a bigger picture. It revealed a lot about the nature of God as well as the nature of money. And though it’s still so hard, and not just because of the contrast, I can’t help but almost feel a little grateful for experiencing what it’s to be without. It has definitely changed my financial mindset.
It’s stressful and worrisome having to be concerned with money. I’ve seen what a lack of it does to people. I’ve seen what an influx of it does to people as well. Materialism in any sense is such an acidic thing. It eats away at you, it consumes you. The best thing I’ve ever done (and it’s most definitely a recent development) is to not care about money at all. God will provide, so I spend money on my necessities and know that I will always have enough to be provided for. Eliminating the worry of “Can I really buy this, even though I need a decent meal?” has left me a lot freer.
“Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.”
I Timothy 6:6-10
God ALWAYS Comes Through
From December 10, 2011
About to get real honest on this one.
So here’s the deal - woke up feeling terrible because I still haven’t gotten a call for the Paramount job (and others have), and I was starting to truly believe that I never would get that call a.k.a. did not get the job.
And of course, I love to feel like I’m not susceptible to certain, common human emotions - like feeling down over stuff and feelings of low self-worth. It’s a pride thing, even though it is true to a certain extent, because I’m incredibly chill and laid back, so those things don’t tend to get to me (not to mention, I have a slew of other issues that do affect me), but that doesn’t mean I’m invincible.
So though I was touting the mantra of, “Even if I don’t get this job, that means God has something else for me - something that’s better than me”, subscribing to patience, and not jumping to conclusions, suddenly I was feeling so discouraged, frustrated, and just bad about myself. I laid in bed for about an hour after I woke up, in the midst of this intense, emotional battle - trying to keep my spirits up against a force that was weighing them down. It was a battle that I was winning yesterday, but was losing so badly today.
And I was consciously aware that it was the devil’s lies affecting me, but it was so hard not to give into them, believe them, and wallow in self-pity as sentiments of “You can never get a job. There’s something wrong with you. You’re not good enough” rolled around my head.
But since I was conscious of it, I knew that this was spiritual warfare. And I could tell myself encouraging things in an attempt to combat it all I wanted, but there’s only one fool-proof defense against spiritual warfare, and that’s God. There’s no way I could stand strong against it alone or on my own strength. Because it became very clear to me that I didn’t have much strength at all.
So I prayed…and prayed…and still felt crappy, but I kept on reaching out to God. Then realized that I needed even more ammunition, and God puts people in our lives for a reason, and I’ve been trying to fight battles on my own for too long without letting anyone else in. So I reached out to Beth to explain how I was feeling and to ask her to pray for me, too.
And immediately after I just even sent that text message, I started to feel the peace of God come over me. I could feel my emotions and heart doing a complete turn-around.
But I didn’t want to take that for granted and just figure I was good to go. So I immediately grabbed my Bible, knowing that God’s word is a great weapon against the lies of the devil and the weaknesses of the flesh. And His peace grew within me, swallowing up all of my discouragement, frustration, and every lie I was being told. Suddenly, I was able to believe those encouraging things I had been telling myself, because the Holy Spirit was confirming them. If I don’t get this job, then okay - it obviously wasn’t meant to be. I tried my best, and not getting it doesn’t mean my best wasn’t good enough. There’s no reason for me to feel bad about myself - everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, after all.
And God does have a plan for me, meaning that there is something to come that is in His plan. Something much better for me.
Just an hour after I had started praying over this, and my emotions did a complete turn around, and that’s nothing short of the grace of God. I feel at total peace over this now. I feel joyful, even. Not because of eternal circumstances, but because true joy is given by the Lord and found in Him. So whether I get a phone call today saying I got this job or a letter tomorrow saying that I didn’t, then either way, it’s totally fine. I don’t feel discouraged, frustrated, bitter or bad about self over either outcome. And I am so grateful to God that He has provided me with this peace.
I wanted to share this experience hopefully to help encourage others. Find your refuge in God when you’re feeling down or attacked. Don’t try to fight against it by yourself - seek Him out and He will come through. Surrender it all to Him, pray to Him, get other believers to pray for you, and go to His Word - I promise you that if you completely give it to Him, He will come through and give you peace. I went through a miniature ordeal this afternoon, and it’s only through Him that I am now so bright, peaceful, encouraged, and hopeful. Because just a few hours ago, I was miserable and felt so heavy. It’s crazy - God is so good. He just wants us to go to Him.
I originally wrote all of this in my journal, and this journal has either a Bible verse or a quote pertaining to spirituality on each page. After I wrote this up, I decided to see what quote and verse where on the pages I wrote on, and check this out:
“When you accept the fact that sometimes seasons are dry and times are hard and that God is in control of both, you will discover a sense of divine refuge, because the ope then is in God and not yourself.” -Charlie Swindoll
“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” Isaiah 30:18 NIV
How perfect is that?! It goes exactly with what I was dealing with - God is so good, y’all!
Of course, I have to stay diligent and keep on seeking Him out, even as I feel much better, because I know how sneaky the devil is, so I know relapse is possible if I’m not careful. Just as I Peter 5:8 says, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” So pray that I continue to seek God in this, and He maintains this peace within me.
It is so tempting to just give into these negative emotions. Succumb to them and wallow in them. And I was so close to that. But when I called upon God’s strength instead of trying to depend on my own, when I reached out desperately to Him in my weakness, He lifted me up above the things that were bogging me down. He empowered my resistance and won the battle for me.
“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
“Resist [the devil], firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.” I Peter 5:9-11
God is seriously so amazing. I have no idea where I’d be without Him, and I am so grateful for His love and grace.
About to get real honest on this one.
So here’s the deal - woke up feeling terrible because I still haven’t gotten a call for the Paramount job (and others have), and I was starting to truly believe that I never would get that call a.k.a. did not get the job.
And of course, I love to feel like I’m not susceptible to certain, common human emotions - like feeling down over stuff and feelings of low self-worth. It’s a pride thing, even though it is true to a certain extent, because I’m incredibly chill and laid back, so those things don’t tend to get to me (not to mention, I have a slew of other issues that do affect me), but that doesn’t mean I’m invincible.
So though I was touting the mantra of, “Even if I don’t get this job, that means God has something else for me - something that’s better than me”, subscribing to patience, and not jumping to conclusions, suddenly I was feeling so discouraged, frustrated, and just bad about myself. I laid in bed for about an hour after I woke up, in the midst of this intense, emotional battle - trying to keep my spirits up against a force that was weighing them down. It was a battle that I was winning yesterday, but was losing so badly today.
And I was consciously aware that it was the devil’s lies affecting me, but it was so hard not to give into them, believe them, and wallow in self-pity as sentiments of “You can never get a job. There’s something wrong with you. You’re not good enough” rolled around my head.
But since I was conscious of it, I knew that this was spiritual warfare. And I could tell myself encouraging things in an attempt to combat it all I wanted, but there’s only one fool-proof defense against spiritual warfare, and that’s God. There’s no way I could stand strong against it alone or on my own strength. Because it became very clear to me that I didn’t have much strength at all.
So I prayed…and prayed…and still felt crappy, but I kept on reaching out to God. Then realized that I needed even more ammunition, and God puts people in our lives for a reason, and I’ve been trying to fight battles on my own for too long without letting anyone else in. So I reached out to Beth to explain how I was feeling and to ask her to pray for me, too.
And immediately after I just even sent that text message, I started to feel the peace of God come over me. I could feel my emotions and heart doing a complete turn-around.
But I didn’t want to take that for granted and just figure I was good to go. So I immediately grabbed my Bible, knowing that God’s word is a great weapon against the lies of the devil and the weaknesses of the flesh. And His peace grew within me, swallowing up all of my discouragement, frustration, and every lie I was being told. Suddenly, I was able to believe those encouraging things I had been telling myself, because the Holy Spirit was confirming them. If I don’t get this job, then okay - it obviously wasn’t meant to be. I tried my best, and not getting it doesn’t mean my best wasn’t good enough. There’s no reason for me to feel bad about myself - everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, after all.
And God does have a plan for me, meaning that there is something to come that is in His plan. Something much better for me.
Just an hour after I had started praying over this, and my emotions did a complete turn around, and that’s nothing short of the grace of God. I feel at total peace over this now. I feel joyful, even. Not because of eternal circumstances, but because true joy is given by the Lord and found in Him. So whether I get a phone call today saying I got this job or a letter tomorrow saying that I didn’t, then either way, it’s totally fine. I don’t feel discouraged, frustrated, bitter or bad about self over either outcome. And I am so grateful to God that He has provided me with this peace.
I wanted to share this experience hopefully to help encourage others. Find your refuge in God when you’re feeling down or attacked. Don’t try to fight against it by yourself - seek Him out and He will come through. Surrender it all to Him, pray to Him, get other believers to pray for you, and go to His Word - I promise you that if you completely give it to Him, He will come through and give you peace. I went through a miniature ordeal this afternoon, and it’s only through Him that I am now so bright, peaceful, encouraged, and hopeful. Because just a few hours ago, I was miserable and felt so heavy. It’s crazy - God is so good. He just wants us to go to Him.
I originally wrote all of this in my journal, and this journal has either a Bible verse or a quote pertaining to spirituality on each page. After I wrote this up, I decided to see what quote and verse where on the pages I wrote on, and check this out:
“When you accept the fact that sometimes seasons are dry and times are hard and that God is in control of both, you will discover a sense of divine refuge, because the ope then is in God and not yourself.” -Charlie Swindoll
“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” Isaiah 30:18 NIV
How perfect is that?! It goes exactly with what I was dealing with - God is so good, y’all!
Of course, I have to stay diligent and keep on seeking Him out, even as I feel much better, because I know how sneaky the devil is, so I know relapse is possible if I’m not careful. Just as I Peter 5:8 says, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” So pray that I continue to seek God in this, and He maintains this peace within me.
It is so tempting to just give into these negative emotions. Succumb to them and wallow in them. And I was so close to that. But when I called upon God’s strength instead of trying to depend on my own, when I reached out desperately to Him in my weakness, He lifted me up above the things that were bogging me down. He empowered my resistance and won the battle for me.
“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
“Resist [the devil], firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.” I Peter 5:9-11
God is seriously so amazing. I have no idea where I’d be without Him, and I am so grateful for His love and grace.
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